Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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