my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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