True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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