just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
