it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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