he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
