just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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