fuck your aforementioned shoe
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're a waste of cheezeits
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
