his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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