morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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