you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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