so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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