$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
why is half of my head shaved?
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