My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
