Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
