You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
