yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
