she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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