Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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