My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
