all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
