look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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