I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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