yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
