I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
