i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
