I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
