with your own penis?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
