i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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