I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
