Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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