we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
