and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
