She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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