Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
