you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize