sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
