Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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