I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it's like iHOP with fire
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We have so much sex to catch up on
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
