Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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