I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
