TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
