I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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