The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
