I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
