My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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