Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
