I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Randomize
