What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
