and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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