I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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