You just made me feel so damn special
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
