some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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