She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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