I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
