All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
