1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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