tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
whose ass print is on the piano?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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