so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
