yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
