she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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