i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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