apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
