never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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