Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
