i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
