I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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