I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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