she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
