did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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