I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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