It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
