he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
