.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
