i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
