you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
